"PTSD & me" or "I Can Be a Little Slow Sometimes" . . .

I've been dealing with multiple diagnoses for years, and PTSD was my first mental health diagnoses waaaay back in 1991, so why has it taken me so long to figure out that new traumas cause new bouts of PTSD, even when the original bout was resolved? (Okay, maybe I'm VERY slow to catch on sometimes.)

I was washing dishes a bit earlier and having intrusive thoughts about a several month long period a few years ago when I had an AHA moment. I realized that the nightmares and intrusive thoughts (and some minor dissociative episodes) I've been having over the last couple of years were PTSD related to the events of that particular time. Maybe I couldn't face that knowledge until now, when the symptoms have eased tremendously; or perhaps it was simply that survival needs took priority. Now that my husband and I are both working again, and I'm not constantly worrying about how we're going to make the next rent payment, or how to stretch the next check far enough to cover what HAS to be paid; maybe I just have time to NOTICE something other than the pain and exhaustion of the fibromyalgia, the deep depressions of the bipolar disorder, and the migraines triggered by high stress levels.

I'm not really sure about why it's taken me so long to realize what was going on, but I do know that finally figuring it out means it's time to do the work necessary to resolve it and move on. Oh, joy, isn't this gonna be fun? Just what I needed, one more thing to deal with, on top of all the rest of it.

At least I've been here before, and I know what to expect this time. Even though the cause is different, the process will be pretty much the same, and this time I don't have a lifetime of denial and suppression to work through to get to the emotions that have to be faced and accepted. The worst part is that the person I would normally depend on most, my husband, was almost as traumatized by the situation as I was, and isn't ready to deal with it yet.

It's going to be an interesting balancing act, working through my stuff without overprotecting him or triggering something he can't handle yet, but we'll see how it goes. Maybe my processing will encourage him to deal with some of his own stuff; but I can't make that decision for him, or take responsibility for his issues.

Wish me luck, it's gonna be an interesting ride . . .

A Very Late Intro

SarahBear invited me to join her on this blog ages ago, and I really did intend to jump right in, but life got in the way. I got a new job, and it's taken my body a couple of months to adjust to the whole working thing again.

I'm really horrible at the whole introduction thing, I've never been very good at trying to tell folks who I am and what I'm about, but here goes nothing. First the basics - I'm a middle-aged, married homebody who loves to read and write, but is a bit inconsistent because when I'm depressed everything I write comes out as depressing, cynical, or both; and I'm depressed a lot. That's mostly because I have fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder (along with a laundry list of other chronic issues,) and they sometimes feed on each other. The pain and fatigue from the fibro will trigger depression, which messes with my sleep and increases the levels of pain and fatigue, which makes the depression worse, etc.. etc.

It's a vicious cycle, which isn't helped by the fact that I can't afford to see a doctor or pay for prescriptions. Hubby works full time, but half of his check goes to child support and state-ordered health insurance for the kidlet, and I don't usually get more than 26 hours or so at barely over minimum wage. After rent and utilities, food, and transportation, there's very rarely anything at all left over, so I make do with ibuprofen and what herbs and essential oils I can scrape together, along with things like meditation that don't cost anything.

I've been off of all prescription meds for two years now, and being desperate for relief can lead you to all kinds of interesting new options. I've discovered quite a few natural options that help, and have become absolutely fascinated with alternative treatments. I check out almost everything anyone suggests, and experiment with it to see if it works for me, and I frequently pass it on for others (fibromites will usually try almost anything to get relief.) I've had some friends provide me with a few books on herbs, and I actually got interested in aromatherapy (for bath products and skin treatments) years ago, so I already had a good bit of reference material available on that. Between what I had, what I've been given, and what's available on the web (checked, double-checked, and then checked again for accuracy); I've been learning a lot about how to manage my symptoms naturally. (Did you know that many people with fibro have low magnesium levels? Stress depletes magnesium, but soaking in a tub with a couple of cups of epsom salts will allow your body to absorb needed magnesium thru the skin, and the hot soak will relax your muscles and help ease your pain, too.)

When I write, that's mostly the sort of thing I write about. Medical issues, disability issues, symptom relief, and what works for me. I also write about things I've found on the web that might be helpful, or about the properties of various herbs and essential oils. I'm currently working on a series of articles on stress and fibro, with individual articles on various categories of stress reduction methods, although I'm not sure where I'm going to publish them yet. I try to avoid doing posts that are just "blowing off steam," although some of those slip in too, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, or something makes me particularly angry.