"PTSD & me" or "I Can Be a Little Slow Sometimes" . . .

I've been dealing with multiple diagnoses for years, and PTSD was my first mental health diagnoses waaaay back in 1991, so why has it taken me so long to figure out that new traumas cause new bouts of PTSD, even when the original bout was resolved? (Okay, maybe I'm VERY slow to catch on sometimes.)

I was washing dishes a bit earlier and having intrusive thoughts about a several month long period a few years ago when I had an AHA moment. I realized that the nightmares and intrusive thoughts (and some minor dissociative episodes) I've been having over the last couple of years were PTSD related to the events of that particular time. Maybe I couldn't face that knowledge until now, when the symptoms have eased tremendously; or perhaps it was simply that survival needs took priority. Now that my husband and I are both working again, and I'm not constantly worrying about how we're going to make the next rent payment, or how to stretch the next check far enough to cover what HAS to be paid; maybe I just have time to NOTICE something other than the pain and exhaustion of the fibromyalgia, the deep depressions of the bipolar disorder, and the migraines triggered by high stress levels.

I'm not really sure about why it's taken me so long to realize what was going on, but I do know that finally figuring it out means it's time to do the work necessary to resolve it and move on. Oh, joy, isn't this gonna be fun? Just what I needed, one more thing to deal with, on top of all the rest of it.

At least I've been here before, and I know what to expect this time. Even though the cause is different, the process will be pretty much the same, and this time I don't have a lifetime of denial and suppression to work through to get to the emotions that have to be faced and accepted. The worst part is that the person I would normally depend on most, my husband, was almost as traumatized by the situation as I was, and isn't ready to deal with it yet.

It's going to be an interesting balancing act, working through my stuff without overprotecting him or triggering something he can't handle yet, but we'll see how it goes. Maybe my processing will encourage him to deal with some of his own stuff; but I can't make that decision for him, or take responsibility for his issues.

Wish me luck, it's gonna be an interesting ride . . .